I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
