i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't think brook has ever known best
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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