my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
