even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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