I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
