if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
