dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize