I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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