Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
