There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
