White coat. Heels.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
