My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
