I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
