i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
