smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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