I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
