So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
