Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
