I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
