I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
