Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
