I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So vagazzling was a success
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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