Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
