i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
