remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
