I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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