So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
