I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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