apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
