I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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