You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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