Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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