I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
