He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
