I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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