i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
