Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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