No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.