I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
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there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids