...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.