You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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