I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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