eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
