i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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