Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
