If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
