New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Are we still banned from the library?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
