shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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