what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
