I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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