I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
