Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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