I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
