Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
