if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
