Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
