We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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