the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
