Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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