I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
