She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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