i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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