its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
