I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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