her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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